Monday, May 9, 2011

He Gave Me More

Consider this. That nothing is ever really lost; it just changes.

Granted, this might sound funny, but I am just as happy in my second marriage as I was at the highest points of my first one. It is a different type of happiness, with a different person and totally different dynamics. The level of happiness is similar; it’s like the comparison between chocolate fudge cake and a root beer float. I like them both in their own right.

In the movie, ‘Under The Tuscan Sun’, the older diva tells Diane Lane’s character about having chased the ladybugs as a little girl. She had difficulty catching them, when she was determined and she was trying so hard to chase and grip them in her clutches. She wanted the luck they were sure to bring. Then she laid down in the field, exhausted, and took a nap. When she awakened, the ladybugs were crawling all over her. In the movie, Diane Lane’s character, Frances, gets everything she said she wanted, but in completely unexpected ways.

I had never envisioned giving up my firstborn for adoption. The thought never crossed my mind. Yet, that’s what happened. Bad timing, poor circumstances, and even worse support put me in a place I never thought I’d be.

Four days ago, my birth daughter’s adoptive aunt hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Thank you so much for making that hard choice. If you hadn’t, I never would have had her in my life. Thank you.”

Twenty-plus years later, the lovely person I gave birth to and I are coming full circle. We were apart for a time, and now our families know and love one another. In the end, we haven’t lost at all…we’ve gained.

In life, there are a lot of people that will let you down. In my case, that was parents and an ex-husband, and a few other stragglers here and there. But guess what? They’ve been replaced, and with the most fascinating mix of individuals that have come right out of the woodwork. Our paths have crossed by what seemed to be nothing but pure chance, and yet? Here they all are. A foster mother that took me in and hasn’t let me out of her embrace for over two decades. An Australian lady I’ve actually never met that contacted me through a blog and gives support daily, calls me ‘Princess’ and often sends me little gifts in the mail. Friends that feel more like sisters. A father in-law that calls me ‘his favorite daughter-in-law’. A Canadian gentleman that I’ve known for years who sends hugs through my email and lets me call him Papa.

Tell me, what is it that I have ‘lost’?

Absolutely nothing.

Not one single thing has turned out the way I’ve envisioned or planned. I wanted to be celebrating my 22nd anniversary by now. I wanted to stay in my spacious home out in the country. I never wanted to have to break in a new bunch of in-laws. I wanted biological parents that loved me and would do anything to protect me. I never wanted to be a second wife, or a stepmother. I wanted it all done my way.

God had other ideas. He never once gave me what I wanted.
He gave me more.

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1 comment:

Heidi said...

Very true. He does give us more.

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