The Brows Have It

"And then he said, 'What's the deal with her eyebrows, did she pluck them all out and draw them back in?"

My friend seemed to be reveling in sharing this information. My blind date of the evening before, whom she'd set me up with, had made that comment when reporting back.

"Why on earth would I do that?" I asked testily, "Pluck them out, then draw them in? If I had any in the first place, I'd make the most of them, believe me."

God never saw fit to bless me with eyebrows.  He blessed me with blue eyes that are a very cool color (which I appreciate), a medium-sized nose, and small ears. Great, and thank you. When it comes to the brow of the eye, though, there is a joke in our family that says we were all standing around socializing (we're all sort of gabby) when the line for the eyebrows was formed up in Heaven...and most of us missed the brow boat.

I've debated over the years on whether or not to accept this. I have no eyebrows, this is fact. Do I create some, or just stay the way God made me? I've tried both ways.

I got brave enough to go au natural years ago when I worked in the back of a bakery, decorating cakes for a large grocery store chain. One of the workers approached me at the end of the day, grinning. "I was working with the manager a couple of hours ago," she grinned, "And he told me to tell you to keep the makeup on."

Nice.

Since then, I've worn them. Another one of my arguments is this:

If I was born without say, a nose, would I or would I not wear a prosthetic one out in public? (I would.) If I were missing an eye, would I pop a false one in? (Sure.) Eyebrows are a focal point of the face. I have none. Why would I ever want to walk around with two missing face parts? (I don't)

I've been fascinated with several actresses who appear not to have eyebrows, or to have very lightly haired blond brows. Charlize Theron comes to mind. Sometimes she draws them in, sometimes she doesn't, although I've noticed that when she's out on the town or walking the red carpet, they're always on.
 
One Spring Break, when my three nieces came to visit, we were sitting around the tv watching a movie. The actress didn't really have eyebrows. You can bet we all picked up on it, and it sparked a lively conversation.

"Personally," I told them, "I don't mind not having my own eyebrows. It gives me the option to draw in brows that fit my mood."

I put my fingers over my drawn-in brows to demonstrate.

"If they're arched, I'm skeptical. One up and one straight, I'm suspicious. Two straight, and I'm just bored. Both way up high, I'm surprised. Way down low means I'm mad, and tilted down means I'm kind of sad."

Three blonds, plus my blond daughter, all nodded their heads in agreement. My son's date, who had beautiful eyebrows, made no comment.

"I know!" said a niece, "People ask me all the time if I just draw in my eyebrows. That bugs me. I have them, they're just really thin and light."

Four other women voiced their sympathy.

"A guy asked my friend once if I'd plucked them all out, then drew them back in," I contributed.

"Why would you DO that?" a niece asked, "That's just stupid!"

"Exactly what I thought," I told her, feeling validated, "What an idiot," I added, for good measure.

Laughing, I told them about my friend Victor. He and his wife owned a terrific salon. Victor tells everyone he does the best brows in the Valley.  I approached Victor and asked him in a serious voice what he could do for my brows. He answered solemnly in his great South American accent:

"For your brows, I have this little tiny set of tweezers. With those tweezers, I would wear some special glasses, and one by one, attach an actual brow hair to each individual brow..."

"REALLY???" I gushed.

"No." he said.


The nieces and my daughter were amused by that, while my son's date remained silent. We continued to share the thoughtless eyebrow comments others had made, mocking our handicap out of ignorance, until a voice from the corner meekly interrupted.

My son's date quietly said, "I don't have any eyebrows either."

I knew I liked that girl.



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