Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It's Been Fun

This might be my second-to-the-last day on Earth.
Nothing makes a person wax philosophic like their second-to-the-last day on earth.

All in all, it's been fun. I've made a lot of friends and experienced a lot of things. I'm not sorry that I tried sushi, swam with the sea turtles, or wore that hair color in the 90's. It was all a part of the ride.

Who's to say whether I'll wind up having a soft-as-a-cloud body pillow to play my harp on, or be the proud owner of a fiery island, situated within a lake of fire and brimstone?

Weighing the evidence, I'm not entirely sure at this point, myself.

While not getting to harvest next year's garden tomatoes for your famous home-made salsa might seem like a bummer, let's just take a look at the bright side. There are plenty of things that, should the world actually end, you won't be required to do:

You no longer need to get your oil changed.

You no longer need to feel bitter about your lost retirement fund. No one else is getting theirs, either.

Gas prices have just become irrelevant.

Suddenly, those friends who have their mortgages paid off are beginning to look a bit like suckers.

Calls from telemarketers during dinner are a thing of the past.

You no longer need to search out and destroy those awkward middle-school pictures your mother insists on keeping that are unfit for the public eye. (Not that I have any of those.)

You no longer need to worry about being struck by either lightning or a meteorite.

For the next two days, you can eat whatever you want, and it won't really matter.

You don't need to pay that parking or speeding ticket after all. (Heaven knows you never deserved it, anyway.)

There will be no more bad hair days.

You can rip that mattress tag right off, without any fear of serving prison time.

No one's going to ever find your secret diaries. Guaranteed.

All of those things you've been putting off? Good call.

No one, male or female, will ever have to suffer through another bout of severe P.M.S.

Even the end of the world might not be the end of the world.
Whether it's that fluffy cloud, a little harp music with a tray of divinity candy within reach, or front row seats by the fire, should the worst happen the above list is a sure bet.

With only a few days left to live, it's nice to know we have something to look forward to.

P.S. On the 20th, you might want to avoid phrases like 'See you tomorrow,' 'Catch you later,' or 'I'll call you back in the morning.' Just sayin'.

*IF we're still here, for more random thoughts, visit me on Twitter and Facebook. 

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